Thursday, March 7, 2013

Falling out of a dream.


It happened quickly; unusually maybe that’s why it was called Falling into love!!! The day before you were not in love, the world was different. The next day it was different and everything changed swiftly. You notice the small hairs sprouting out, the perfect matching shirt for your trousers, fitting of your suit.  For the first time in your life you will notice that black dot near to your eyes and how smooth is your skin when shaved.

You will walk away through the crowded city center behind her, feeling the breeze on her untied hair. You will enjoy everything around the world.  How it can be so beautiful, you think. When she looks at you,  you have lovely butterflies tickling your stomach and a shiver running down from your tip to toe enveloping your smiles.  You forget the language you've known from your childhood. You will become the small Kindergarten guy standing in front of that beautiful miss. You will talk unplanned things and you will forget the prepared speech. Before you know, you will feel like you've known her all your life. You know the way she breathes in her sleep, the brown strands of hair that always falls on her face by the table fan breeze, the way she rests her head over her arms crossed when asleep , the way her lips wets in happiness. You start to take her ride home for granted. You no longer notice the way your fingers naturally touches her belly when you sit together.  How she fits inside your arms around her shoulders. . It’s usual, likely, ordinary even, like the act of brushing your teeth. You believe loving someone simply exists and all you do- like anyone else- is natural.
But falling out of love is the hardest part- the worst reaction, with a rock star style. One day, she’s sleeping next to you, and the next day, you see her quarreling at you for something unimportant, one that you did not pick out. One day, she’s in the park with her arms on yours, telling you about your first kid and the next day, she’s speaking about the incompatibility between you and her.  One day, she is walking beside you with her hair strands on your face, telling about the place to visit after marriage, the next day she will talk about her wedding date fixed with another guy. And she will tell you of the sari she picked out for her wedding.
When you are back to your room, your own life, you will notice, your shirt will no longer smells like her, your bed sheets no longer know her, your pillow will never ever be shared with her. You’re missing the fragrance in your life. You feel empty even when nothing else is changed. You try to fall out of it- just like she did- but you can’t find a way to climb out of the ditch you've landed in. You try, fail and give up, without realizing that getting out of there is normal, that it will happen naturally. Like the way you grew out of pampers and become a man.
You’re a victim, kidnapped by a dream and destroyed by selfishness. Instead of running away from her, you love more and more. You will mourn about your lose.  Your room smells of the vomit and mixed drinks. You will feel her touch as the water hits every inch of your body in the shower. You will turn back for a most wanted lip lock. The empty bathroom will shatter you. In a month, you will wake up one day and realize about the years of real beautiful world you missed. In a month, you will call your friends again and plan for outings. You forget that falling out of love mission and it happens naturally. Then she will become just a smile on the corners of your lips during a cocktail party. Then you will realize you loved simply because you don’t know what else to do.

3 comments:

  1. "You will become the small Kindergarten guy standing in front of that beautiful *miss*."
    Nice pick. Your flow of thought in the language is really good. I admire.. :)

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  2. is this from experience or imagination?
    in any case, i feel falling in much easier compared to falling out which i guess never happens if you have once really fallen in :P

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