I may sound crazy. But, all I’m
trying to say is that I’ve never been filled with so much love before. Even
sleep is filled with lucid dreams, love and lust and sweat and you and more of
you and words.
I think I will recite the entire story
of the night with so much excitement. But I don’t think I will. No one has the
guts. There’s something in our culture that forbids it. There’s something in
our roots that makes us ignore our own flaws. Well, let me write it down anyway.
The terrace is dark but
comfortable— I wouldn’t mind living there. I don’t need a roof. Walls suffocate
me round the building, there are temples to keep me awake, and a mosque to
tell me the time. I haven’t yet found the star I’m looking for; there are way
too many to keep track of. His arms lay crossed the entire night, his hands
clenching around my shapeless belly— even the strongest force couldn’t have
torn them apart. I could have, but didn’t. I just laid back staring at the sky of
the small terrace, as if it held the answers to all my troubles. . A scratch here,
a pull there, a tear here, a block there, I could feel all of him slowly syncing
with every organ in my body.....Maybe....
He stared at me from the minute I
sat down to the minute I got off at my destination. The attraction in his
piercing eyes shone so much that I could see all of me in them. What was it
about you that made me crazy?
He hasn’t taken his eyes of me.
My tears stayed rigid around my eyes as if they are too afraid to fall. I want
to press my hands into his and tell him, to hold me even more closely. But
instead, I squirm and look away, as if I am counting those stars. I have no regrets. Fire births
fire, they teach. So be it. Here’s all I have.
When we finally stood up, I looked
at him again. His eyes are still on me but they’re milder now. Not quite calm, but
resigned. I want to tell him, thanks for the hug, I know but, I don’t. From the
safety of the morality platform, I watched the tear fall just as though a train
rushed past. It didn’t explode.
good writing...and there are a lot of people out there looking out for what you are doing...very comfortably closing their eyes to what they do...we live in a hypocritic world!
ReplyDelete:)hmm....
ReplyDeletenice letters...words...congrats...vanajotsana...
ReplyDeleteBold & Strong, both the Writing & the Writer. Keep Going!! My wishes.
ReplyDelete